Today, with her permission, I’m sharing the inspiring story of one of my meditation students, Hannah¹, who found self-love through meditation.
In this post, you’ll learn how Hannah overcame self-criticism, rebuilt her self-worth, and developed deep self-compassion—starting with just one breath.
How She Lost Self-Love: The Impact of Emotional Abuse
When Hannah came to me, she was still carrying the emotional weight of abusive relationships—starting with a father she described as emotionally abusive, and continuing with several toxic ex-partners.
Abuse in relationships often breaks down a person’s sense of identity and worth. Constant criticism, manipulation, and gaslighting can cause someone to doubt their value, blame themselves, and even believe they deserve the mistreatment.
Over time, isolation and conditional love create deep feelings of shame and disconnection from the true self—making self-love feel impossible.
Common Reasons People Lose Self-Love
While Hannah’s story is powerful, it’s not uncommon. Many people struggle to love themselves for reasons like:
- Childhood neglect, criticism, or lack of validation Trauma or abuse in past relationships
- Constant comparison and perfectionism
- Bullying, rejection, or social exclusion
- Mental health struggles like depression or BPD
- Shame, guilt, or self-blame
- People-pleasing and poor boundaries
These experiences build layers of self criticism and inner resistance. But meditation can help peel those layers away.
How We Rebuilt Her Self-Love With Meditation
Step 1: Clearing the Inner Noise With Anapanasati
The first step was to silence the harsh inner dialogue and create mental space for healing.
We began with Anapanasati, a traditional Buddhist meditation on mindful breathing.
“Mindfulness of breathing, when developed and cultivated, is a peaceful dwelling, a sublime abiding, and it disperses unwholesome thoughts.” — Buddha (S.N. 54.1)
We followed this exact path—20 minutes of mindful breathing each day for two weeks. By our third session, Hannah smiled and said, “I can’t remember the last time my mind felt so clear.” Her energy had already begun to shift.
Just as a smith purifies silver through repeated heating and quenching, the meditator clears the mind through consistent practice.
Step 2: Compassion and Emotional Rebirth
Once her mind was calm, we moved into compassion meditations—especially the deeper practices like Karuna and Tonglen. While Loving-Kindness (Metta) focuses on sending goodwill, Karuna and Tonglen focus on understanding suffering, forgiving the past, and acknowledging our shared humanity. These are often the missing pieces in healing from trauma.
In Hannah’s words:
“It meant understanding and forgiving myself for allowing myself to be a victim for so long.”
This kind of self-compassion lays the foundation for real transformation.
Step 3: Rebuilding With Loving-Kindness (Metta)
With the past acknowledged and compassion restored, we moved into Metta, loving-kindness meditation.
Here, we visualized sending and receiving love—training the mind to develop warm, supportive inner dialogue and build new emotional patterns. After two weeks, Hannah said:
“I have never felt so loving toward myself. I didn’t even think this was possible. My relationship with myself has completely changed.”
Final Thoughts: Meditation as a Path to Self-Love
Meditation helped Hannah heal from deep emotional wounds, break the cycle of self-criticism, and reconnect with the part of her that was always worthy of love. Her journey shows that self-love isn’t something we chase—it’s something we uncover, layer by layer, breath by breath.
If you’re struggling with self-worth, know that there is a path forward. Start with the breath. Start small. And keep returning to yourself.
¹ Name changed for privacy.
Paul Harrison is a meditation teacher with 20+ years of experience and a deep passion for helping others. Known for his empathy and authentic approach, he’s dedicated to guiding individuals and teams toward mindfulness, clarity, and well-being.
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